opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
