He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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