Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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