I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
