On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
