just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
