that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
