You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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