Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
