So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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