just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
