there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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