I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
