I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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