remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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