mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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