Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
