He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
