____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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