Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
