everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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