He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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