Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
