I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
