I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
