david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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