I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
