We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
