Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
