Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
