Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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