I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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