So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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