you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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