I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
