i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
