you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
