Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
