HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
