I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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