Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
