You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
