I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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