I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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