Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
