I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
