You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
