So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
