Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
