She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
