he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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