We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
