You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
