Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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