I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
