Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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