Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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