took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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